Hannibal IV: The Fava Menace

CNN reports that a fourth Hannibal novel, Hannibal Rising, will be out in December. Apparently it’s a prequel to Silence of the Lambs showing how our favorite evil cannibal turned evil.

I’m betting Obi Wan was involved somehow.

Survivor: Cook Islands

Grade: A

It’s Survivor, therefore it’s good.

Survivor rocks. I know that historically perhaps Real World was the true launching point for reality television, but it was merely the warm-up act. Survivor is what ushered the age of reality and can really be pointed to as the death of the bad sitcom (thank goodness). Not only did it have a fun concept and something new to watch, but Mark Burnett the creator also realized something that few other reality producers grasp today: it’s all about the story.

Burnett knows that just because you’re showing reality doesn’t mean you have to portray it realistically. In fact, he has a whole staff of writers who simply work with the footage they have to craft storylines and arcs rather than inventing them from scratch. Most other reality shows just cut to exciting or tantalizing footage without trying to set up any kind of story (case in point: any season of The Surreal Life). But setting up a story is what makes it interesting, what makes it compelling. Amazing Race knows how to do this. So too did Breaking Bonaduce.

But nobody does it better than Burnett. And it’s quite obvious. After watching every Survivor episode since season 1, episode 2 (I missed the very first one, oh well), I now know how Burnett and his team work. Watching last night’s finale, as with most other episodes, I can tell you which team is going to lose and who is going to be voted out just by watching the footage. Because Burnett wants you to either a) understand the conflict between some of the tribemates so you can get behind the vote out, or b) be surprised that a twist in allegiance voted out someone you thought was safe. His team uses different shots and story points to set these up, but they are consistent from season to season and still a lot of fun to watch.

As for this latest season, the big change is the ethnic tribes. Yawn. Last year divided by gender and age for a few days. Didn’t matter. Never does. May be amusing for the first few days, but the most uninteresting seasons have been the ones where an initial tribe gathered an alliance that held to the end. Season 1 only worked because it was the first–if that had come in later years first it wouldn’t have worked because people other than Richard Hatch would have known the strategy and second it would have been boring as hell. These days the alliances all flip-flop, and Burnett designs in twists and turns and competitions and rewards specifically geared towards making that happen. That’s what makes conflict, which creates drama, which results in good TV (if crafted properly).

Bringing back Exile Island was a great move–that was a fantastic invention last season. Same with the hidden immunity idol, which played a big part in last year’s final group even though it was never used. It will be fun to see if it is ever given away or if that just becomes a shadow promise like when they first started making immunity transferrable.

But a great start to the latest season. Yay for Fall!

My Asia Adventure

As both of my long-time readers can tell you, I normally don’t post much real life stuff. The occasional review, the attempted wry observation, the scarce links to actual news or events of the day. Not that I’m trying to keep it a secret from you both, but time has been somewhat on the scarce side of every equation I’m involved in these days. That and sleep. But after this past week I thought I’d at least attempt to write down some of my adventure in Singapore and Shanghai. When I first started to document these adventures, this was much more timely–the trip took place at the beginning of August. But as soon as I returned I got swamped with an application launch and then pulled back into my old job for a 30-day special assignment that is neither special nor an assignment.

Actually, it is an assignment, but that didn’t sound as cool. Anyway, back to the trip.

My company, for those who know, is all over the world. And my job works with team members from all the major regions. So part of this job involved visiting various team members and offices to see how my project could help. I visited Ireland and England back in March, a hectic 7-day trip where I spent more time in conference rooms than sleeping. So naturally it came time to visit Asia, a hectic 8-day trip where I spent more time in airplanes than sleeping.

Of course, I could have slept on those planes, and I did pass out a few hours here and there. But being in my movie starved mode I couldn’t help but take advantage of the time to take in some flicks. I’ve already posted some reviews and the rest will slowly trickle in, but this was pretty much the order.

Benchwarmers — Didn’t start out well, this was actually the best choice available for the long flight to Tokyo. After watching it, I think staring out the window would have been far more productive.

Underworld: Evolution — After seeing Benchwarmers, the second Underworld movie felt like Citizen Kane. And by that I mean not enough color and way too long. But a good distraction. I brought this with my portable DVD player, because you just can’t trust the airlines to stock up on anything good.

Pit stop in the Tokyo airport. This was a shocker. Japan has a reputation for being on the cutting edge of technology, right? So you’d expect the Tokyo airport to be a shining beacon of glass and steel and technology so awesome you think it’s magic. Instead, 90% of the signs are hand-written on paper and taped or stapled to bulletin boards. A bus transfers you on the tarmac between terminals–not even a covered moving walkway. And the seats on the bus…let’s just say they’re not up to American design standards. I sat across two of them and I think I got a bit of the guy in front of me’s spleen on my jeans. Big surprise there for me. And the business class lounge was very uncomfortable and I had to pay for internet access. Lame! But my flight boarded soon enough.

MI3 — Once inside Asia, the movie selection stepped up a bit. Not that MI3 was a great movie, or even very good, but it’s perfect for an airplane. No plot worries, no concerns about missing a line of dialogue when the pilot comes on to tell you that, yes, in fact you are travelling through the air and don’t intend to land until you reach your destination. Thanks, Captain Bob. Oh, goodie, a translation!

Inside Man — Yet another perfect airplane movie because you can watch the first 15 minutes, take a decent nap, then watch the last 15 minutes and get the entire impact of the movie. I caught the middle section later just to confirm. Yep, didn’t miss anything.

My first stop in Asia was Singapore, which was awesome. Singapore, for those that don’t know (and I was one of them until I landed there), is a small island just north of the equator. This means it is always hot, always humid, and plants get watered just by being alive. Everything is very green, and they’ve done an amazing job of landscaping the entire city without having to pay for a silly water bill that I face every month to keep 4 flowers and a tree alive in the dry Texas heat.

People in Singapore love to do two things: shop and eat. This means that everywhere you go there are restaurants and malls. And malls with restaurants. And restaurants that have their own malls. And I am not making this up: my hotel connected to a mall, which connected to a subway stop that if you didn’t go in but turned left was actually an underground tunnel that had a mall that connected you to another giant mall. I literally walked for 3 hours between these malls and passed 8 Starbucks. Outstanding!

Also, an interesting note, there was a Carl’s Jr in the foodcourt. I love Carl’s Jr, and they were plentiful in California where I grew up but they are non-existent in Texas. I have heard rumors there is one in San Antonio, but I think it’s a cruel hoax invented to torture me. But there’s one in Singapore. So it turns out I just have to go there to get my Western Bacon Cheeseburger on.

The shopping, although plentiful, wasn’t a very good deal I found. Given currency exchanges I found all the prices to be very comparable, maybe a few bucks saved on something as expensive as an iPod. I even went to a 7-story mall that focused on technology stores. Amazing to see so many stores in proximity all selling the same brands, and none of them good deals. I guess the Internet really has changed how I view pricing these days–a much larger marketplace for us to choose from.

The travel clinic I had visited prior to the trip scared me enough not to eat at any local places. I had one nice dinner with some team members at a fancy restaurant around the corner from where the Singapore Sling was invented. I tried one–nice, very little kick. And the various courses were very good. But the rest of the time I was just too chicken to try…well, chicken. So I just went back to the hotel and ate there. Very lame of me, but I didn’t want to catch something like I did on the trip to Europe.

The hotel food was actually decent, and I had two important discoveries. First, I tried their asparagus risotto and it was bad. This made me feel pretty good since risotto is a dish I’ve been working on for a while now and feel I have it down–and I also feel like mine was much better than the mushy stuff they served me.

The second discovery was Chicken Kway Teow. This is a Singapore dish with thick noodles and amazing spice combinations and is quite possibly the best non-sushi asian dish I have ever had. I had it one more time the next night it was so good. Amazing, amazing stuff. Various recipes are online, but they’re pretty complicated. Still, may have to try soon because it rocked. Yeah, that’s bold type, baby–rocked!

So after some good meetings in Singapore I went to the airport to catch a flight to Shanghai. I’d heard two rumors about Singapore travel. First, that the airport is the best in the world. Second, that Singapore Airlines is the best in the world.

Both are true.

The airport is yet another mall, but we’re talking high-end stuff and lots of it. Not sure if there were good deals or not, since I’d had enough of stores for a couple years. But the airport also had a movie theater (other terminal, so I didn’t go), and a rooftop pool. A pool? A pool. Plenty of flat-screen TVs to catch the news and probably a lot of other cool stuff I could have seen if I didn’t go into the business class Singapore Airlines lounge.

{cue heavenly music}

Now this is a business class lounge. Plenty of comfortable chairs and tables and workstations with free wired and wireless internet. Free. Not charged extra like in Tokyo. And the standard juice/drink/snack bar has some hot dishes including…Pork Kway Teow. Not quite as good as the chicken version at the hotel, but still damn tasty. I only had one serving…at a time.

Eventually I had to leave the comfortable confines of the lounge for the flight itself. Here was another surprise–I was so out of it when I checked in that I didn’t realize that I hadn’t gone through security. Someone had checked my boarding pass, but no X-ray machine. The X-ray machines and metal detectors are actually at the gate. At first I thought this was strange and inefficient, but then I realize that if every gate has 2 X-ray/metal detectors, then with 50 gates they have about 100 entry points to service all the passengers. Compare that with an airport like Chicago which also has about 50 gates but maybe 4 entry points to service all the passengers. Brilliant! The line sped through and in no time I was on the plane.

{cue extra-heavenly music}

I am not going to talk about the super comfortable seats on Singapore airlines. I am not going to talk about the amazing 5 or 6 course meal I was served or the chefs they hire as their executive council (including Gordon Ramsey who inspired my current risotto kick). Instead, I’m talking about entertainment. Singapore Airlines has 80 movies that you can control–start, pause, rewind, fast forward. Yes, 80. They also have 100 TV shows. And 150 CDs worth of music that you can create a custom playlist from. And about 40 games, 10 of which are multiplayer so you can compete against other passengers on the plane.

Singapore Airlines is #1. All other airlines are #2 or lower.

The flight wasn’t long enough for me to watch everything I wanted, so I picked my top 2 movies (and they were both movies I had really wanted to see).

V For Vendetta — Awesome.

Thank You For Smoking — Awesome.

Sadly, the flight was over before I could get a third movie in. The wonders of Shanghai awaited me. As in, I wonder what I would have thought of Shanghai if I hadn’t gone to Singapore first. Shanghai is much more industrial, far less green (although not noticeably cooler or less humid), and I felt less comfortable walking around then I did in Singapore. Maybe it was those strict Singapore penalties (I think you get your privates attached to a battery if you jaywalk), but I far preferred Singapore.

Shanghai is also an interesting city to walk around in because you can see it’s still very much in development. I walked an entire mile and passed only two Starbucks! Honestly not sure how these people live.

But being accosted in their shopping malls was not a lot of fun, I must say. Their style of selling is to grab you by the arm to hopefully lead you to their stall. It isn’t violent, it’s just a big culture shock from the “look but don’t you dare touch or I’ll sue your butt so fast you’ll think I have a lawyer on speed dial, which I do” approach taken in America. I had my arm grabbed repeatedly by people trying to show me various items. Also, people in China must be very punctual given their enormous surplus of watches, as I was frequently asked if I wanted to purchase one of these extra timepieces.

Overall, I found Shanghai to not be as much fun as Singapore in terms of a city built around commerce. There may be some more interesting tourist destinations like Beijing, but I guess I’ll have to wait and find out. One thing I do know–the Chinese visa in my passport looks very cool.

Best tourist shopping in terms of comfort and convenience was actually in the Shanghai airport. Some neat stations where craftsmen carve a name stamp in miniature detail–but if you ever get one skip the ink they sell because the containers leak. I found this out the hard way. Fortunately the ink only got on the stamp and it washes off.

Nothing too good on the flight back in terms of movies:

Goal – The Dream Begins — Okay, but predictable.

Earthsea — Watched on portable DVD (another Netflix). Not worth it.

End result: exhausted and then having to work off a huge backlog (as evidenced by it taking a month to finish this post). Hope to one day return to Singapore with the family, since that’s really the perfect way for a not-very-adventurous traveller from the US to first visit Asia.

The Upcoming Season

Friend of mine asked for TV recommendations for this season, and since I’m trying to get back into the whole blogging habit, thought I’d write up my TV thoughts for this upcoming year.

Ones To Watch (or at least give them a shot)

House–best show on TV, although I still haven’t seen last night’s premiere (hey, it’s fantasty football draft season, okay?).

Studio 60–the hour-long drama behind the scenes on an SNL-type show. Aaron Sorkin (Sports Night, West Wing, Few Good Men) is one of the best writers out there for witty banter. But he can’t do relationships, only the pursuit of relationships–but every time he writes the pursuit of a relationship he tries to make it into a relationship. So there are some flaws. Also, Mrs Hose and I saw the first episode of this (she’s a huge Sorkin fan and has openly told me she will leave me for Aaron Sorkin just as soon as he, you know, meets her)–it made me want to watch the second episode but I don’t know if it will work. Anyone who saw Sports Night or West Wing knows the Sorkin style. It works in some contexts like politics because everyone seems very intelligent and witty and deep down we want our leaders to be intelligent but approachable (witty). I’m not sure if that works for TV stars–do we really think behind it all they’re intelligent or likable? We shall see, I’m willing to give it a shot for at least one more episode. And no matter what, the end of the first episode will give you goosebumps. Sorkin is that good a writer.

30 Rock–the half-hour sitcom behind the scenes on an SNL-type show. Cast is great, commercials are funny (although no clips from the show that I’ve seen). But usually when two shows of different formats on the same network take on the same concept, one will fail. (When I commented on this to Mrs Hose said, “Oh, you mean like ER and Scrubs?” I really hate it when she goes and uses logic and stuff on me.) I’ll watch.

Heroes–there’s no hiding on this blog that I’m a geek, a nerd, a comic fan, a gamer, everything that the chubby kid with glasses who kicked your butt on the math tests grew up to become. So I will watch Heroes, I will like Heroes, and I will feel guilty about myself for liking Heroes. Deal with it, you algebra-failing dweeb.

Desperate Housewives–which series will show up, the witty first season, or the over-complicated second season? And does it even matter since nothing good is usually up against it?

Gray’s Anatomy–Outstanding writing on what could have been on otherwise run of the mill show has led to some of the best moments on TV in the past few years. The move to Thursday night shows confidence in the series. Another one to watch.

Survivor–Always fun, this year adds the race controversy with four racially divided teams. Burnett, you wacky funster!

Ones To Avoid (or at least not complain to mean when you watch them and they suck or find another hatch or something)

Lost–you already know how I feel.

The Nine–fox drama about a bank robbery or something. Whatever. The name is overly optimistic. I predict it won’t last The Four episodes in October.

Kidnapped–Ransom: The Series. Blah. If it works, I’ll watch on DVD.

Friday Night Lights–See Kidnapped.

Twenty Good Years–None of them depicted here on television.

’til Death–I didn’t like Everybody Loves Raymond. Why would I like Everybody Loves Raymond’s Goofy Tall Brother?

Everything else on ABC–if they have anything else, that is.

Everything else on CBS–unless you’re retired.

Everything else on Fox–unless you have an IQ below 60.

Little Miss Sunshine

Grade: B-

Too serious to be too funny.

So in the past eight months I’ve been to a movie theater twice. That’s a pretty steep dip in the theater attendance column for me, and I was afraid that I may have inflated my last new-ish movie review given the joy of being back in the theater. But then we get an unexpected trip to the theater and on several positive word of mouth reviews take in Little Miss Sunshine.

Inflation problem solved. This movie just doesn’t live up to its hype and except for one scene at the end, really isn’t all that funny. It’s slightly amusing and certainly has the potential and cast to deliver, but the movie takes itself far too seriously to ultimately be funny. In the end we’re not sure if we’re supposed to be laughing at the characters or their lives or the people around them–we find all equally repulsive and identifiable. So we have to settle for laughing at a broken down VW bus. Which is always good for a laugh or two, I guess.

In the end, shoulda gone to see Superman Returns.

(In)Security 2006

A recent foiled terrorist attack has now led airport security to forbid passengers from bringing any liquids or gels onto a plane. Apparently, the attack involved mixing or using liquid explosives–so no juice for you! One exception to this rule is baby bottles–people can bring this onto a plane provided they sample the liquid first.

So let me get this straight–if a terrorist were to board a plane with every intention of mixing an explosive device and blowing away the entire jet, do we really think they would hesitate to sample the mixture for our security staff. “I know I’m going to explode into a billion bits of red, but I won’t drink this explosive mixture–it could kill me!”

Man, remember the good old days when the only security risk to public transportation was Dennis Hopper putting a bomb on a bus?

The Benchwarmers

Grade: F

One of those movies that you wonder how it ever got made.

This movie is horrible. And not in a good way. The fact that this was the best available option on a flight from Dallas to Tokyo made it even worse. The old joke about the movie being so bad you walked out on it–even though it was being shown on a plane–went through my head many a time while watching.

So why did I watch it? Because it was so bad I kept staring at the screen, wondering how people got involved in the project. Wondering what morons wrote the script. Wondering what idiot executives approved the script. Wondering how the actors thought they were making anything resembling a decent movie. These are honest ruminations, not just idle speculation. They all must have known the movie was horrible. So I’m perplexed.

If you can avoid one movie this year, make that movie The Benchwarmers.

Mission: Impossible III

Grade: C-

Mindless summer entertainment meets cheap plot devices thanks to JJ Abrams.

This summer has been a pretty dry season for me, movie-wise. The reviews on the blog prove my point–most are older movies I’m reviewing thanks to Netflix or Blockbuster or HBO. This not-completely-old review comes thank to Japan Airlines who happend to show the flight while I’m doing an overseas work trip. So I’m glad I saw it, but even happier that it was free. For mindless distraction, it works for the most part. But where it fails, it really fails.

The Mission: Impossible series has always had its share of plot holes. This one is no exception. But while the big holes are always easy to criticize, I always find the greatest difficulty with the smallest ones.

Take, for example, the technological skills of the IMF team Tom Cruise leads. These are top notch super-secret spies that can use the latest technology courtest of Marshall…I mean, whatever the Marshall-guy’s name was in this show. They have magnetic bombs and eye-scanning cameras and computers with hydraulic keyboards. I’m not sure why they need any of this, but they’ve got it, baby! And they know how to use this tech, fitting it all into the seamless mechanics so that in the middle of a shootout they can call out to their partner, “Mag!” and that person will instantly know to give them a new magazine for their pistol–no matter what pistol they happen to be using at the time. They’re just that good.

Unfortunately, they don’t know how to use cell phones. This becomes clear during a pivotal scene where Tom Cruise must place a call in a few seconds or someone will die. But, wouldn’t you know it, while he’s being chased by security forces in Shanghai he just can’t get a signal. So he hands the phone off to the driver despite the fact that two other people in the car aren’t driving or shooting at the moment. This actually makes sense–everyone knows that drivers get better signals on their cell phones! And while Tom Cruise tries to convert the bad guys to Scientology, the driver proudly informs us all that he got a signal. So Tom yells at him to hit redial.

This, apparently, the driver did not know. Because that’s pretty advanced stuff, the redial button. Instead of saying something dramatic and tense like “Make the call!” or “Dial, dammit!” or “Can you hear me now?” he loudly informs the super-secret spy on a function my Luudite mother can perform. No wonder so many of these missions are impossible–the spies don’t know how to use cell phones!

Minor detail, I know, but these kinds of things are what keep the whole series from ever being a great movie. Instead they’re just all a series of stunts with some kind of plot strung between the action sequences. This one has less plot than others, which is good. But it also has less action than others, which is very bad. And the best action sequence of the movie is never shown. Seriously. Tom has to break into an ultra-secure building and steal a McGuffin and he only has 2 hours to figure out how to get in and do it. That’s good stuff for a MI movie, like the first movie’s CIA break-in becoming an instant classic. Here, they show Tom getting into the building, then nothing. We literally sit in the car with the other team members until the theft is over. Really?

[Edited Comment: So I just found out I may have seen a censored version of the movie that cut out the break-in because the Chinese government didn't like it and the airline flies into China. Interesting--has someone else seen the movie and recall if it shows Tom inside the building to steal the Rabbit's Foot?]

This, I think, falls squarely on the shoulder of the writers. The main one being the director, JJ Abrams, of Alias and Lost fame. I’ve been writing about why Lost sucks for quite a while now. One of the main reasons I think it sucks is because it uses artificial tension–showing the most tense moment in a story, then flashing back to the beginning and building up to that event. That’s cheap storytelling–you can literally do it with any story out there that has any kind of tension. The true challenge is to build a story from the ground up–make the audience actually feel interested so that when you reach the tense moments they’re feeling the same tension you are. JJ Abrams just can’t do it. Couldn’t do it with Alias. Couldn’t do it with Lost. Couldn’t do it with Mission: Impossible. And it’s really, really annoying.

This movie ends up just being a big-budget Alias. There’s the Marshall guy I mentioned above–the tech from Alias reproduced as a UK national with the exact same speech patterns as Marshall. There’s the chick spy, played by one of JJ’s favorite actresses (that chick from Felicity). Even Greg from Alias (and the pilot from Lost) makes an appearance. This is exactly what a big-screen Alias version would look like, but with a lead who doesn’t believe in psychiatry.

And ultimately he makes the movie worse for it. All three of the series have been forgettable. But at least the first two had some memorable action sequences. This has none. And it doesn’t even show all the action, which is unforgivable. Please, let the JJ Abrams love-fest come to an end before he strikes again!

The Other Wind

Grade: A+

A perfect ending to a classic series. Let’s just hope it really is an ending.

Dear Ms. LeGuin,

Please stop writing Earthsea novels.

You are one of the great authors of our time, so this has nothing to do with your overall talent or abilities as a writer. This has everything to do with the fact that there is nothing more to do in Earthsea. When the original trilogy was completed, it was a masterpiece. But something inside you made you continue. True, there were some hooks in the third book that leant themselves nicely to continuing the story. But just because something can be done doesn’t mean it should be.

The trilogy became a quartet with Tehanu. Then you put out a collection of short stories, so the publishers all realized they didn’t know where this train was stopping and quickly renamed it The Earthsea Cycle. Please stop the cycle.

In your last book you tackled the biggest issue that was left hanging out there after The Farthest Shore. The Other Wind takes on death in Earthsea, and while there are certainly hooks for another book, please resist the temptation. Tehanu and Tales From Earthsea all got slightly off track and started dealing with gender in Earthsea. I’m sure the sociologist in you finds this fascinating, but you’ve done it better in The Left Hand of Darkness. Earthsea is about something more, and you’ve captured that in the first three and the last book.

At least, I hope it’s the last book.

Look at it this way, you have created a modern myth. And how do all classic myths end? With some flavor of “And they lived happily ever after.” It gave the reader a sense of finality without a sense of ending. The story continued, but we don’t need to hear more about it. This is how Earthsea should end. You have resolved death in Earthsea. You have resolved Ged’s and Lebannen’s story enough. Is there more? Certainly. But we don’t need it.

What we need is for you to end on a high note. And you have.

Thanks.

Master of Champions

Grade: D

If it weren’t for America’s Got Talent, this would be the worst show of the summer.

If America’s Got Talent wasn’t enough of a disappointment, here we have another show trying to collect a wide variety of abilities under the guise of talent and cram them into some television. Here, it fails again. At least some of the activities are mildly interesting, but this show fails for completely different reasons.

Biggest complaint: there’s not enough action. During the inaugural hour they did maybe 4 activities. More than half of their time was spent with filler pieces about the backgrounds of the competitors. Who cares? If you want to show me two people who race around a wheel of cheese with graters attached to their car to see who can shred the most cheddar, fine–but I don’t give one iota about the racer’s personal lives, their favorite colors, or how they really want to make car-cheese-grating into an Olympic sport or whatever. Just show me a car spinning around a big wheel of cheese, then cut to the next insane activity.

Next biggest complaint: the judges. I guess the three most talented people were picked up by America’s Got Talent, which left this show with Steve Garvey (whatever, he played baseball), Oksana “I Don’t Get Drunk and Drive Anymore But You Still Can’t Understand A Word I’m Saying Because Of My Thick, Raspy, Yet Decidedly Un-Sexy Russian Accent” Baiul, and Jonny “I’m The Biggest Tool On The Planet” Moseley. I have no idea why they’re on this show. But they do pick a winner from the various competitions or exhibitions. So when the winner of the cheese grating race went up against the winner from the extreme unicycling competition (which was, surprisingly, even more stupid than it sounds), they both lost to the contortionist who shot an arrow from a bow that popped a balloon while blindfolder–using her feet. Seems a bit unfair since she didn’t have to compete first. Couldn’t they have found a bear with a bladder infection that hadn’t eaten in a week and then put a raw steak in the balloon and hold it between Anna Nicole Smith’s knees? Come on, ABC, get with the program!

So besides the lame concept with not enough action, the horrible judges, and the stupid activities, what are you left with? About 25 minutes of commercials.

At least we have The Closer.