Real World: Austin

Grade: F

Correct me if I’m wrong, but The Real World is a piece of crap these days. I’m not sure exactly where the turning point occurred, although I’m leaning towards Las Vegas. Back in the good ‘ol days, The Real World actually had some meaning to 20-somethings. Like showing them a little bit of what the real real world was like. True, they had a cool place to live, cool jobs to do, cameras following them everywhere. But they also had to deal with real issues, especially the San Francisco season with Pedro showing America what living with AIDS was like. Shortly after that, the Hawaii season showed the damaging effects of alcoholism in the young.

But what was a problem in Hawaii is now almost a prerequisite to joining the cast. The show doesn’t do much besides present an opportunity for these kids to get wasted and hook up. Hopefully they’ll fight too–with each other, with random people on the street, whatever.

Yes, the current season is in Austin. And they show a lot of cool shots of a cool town where I live. But these kids aren’t cool, and this show has lost any coolness or even social relevance it once enjoyed. A shame, really.

Snap! part deux

So I guess I’m not the only one who gets annoyed by snapping. It’s what got Michael Jackson off acquitted MJ.

Blow Out

Grade: C/A

It’s a wide spread for the grade on this show, but I’ll explain why. If you haven’t seen it, the show follows Jonathan Antin in his wacky antics as the owner of a couple fancy schmancy salons. Apparently he does stuff well, which allows him to charge $500 for a haircut. The first season last summer focused on his opening the second salon in Beverly Hills, as he pulled his hair and gnashed his teeth over the possible dilution and ruination of his good name with the creation of a second business.

This season focuses on his efforts to launch a new line of haircare products. And he pulls his hair and gnashes his teeth over how his name might be ruined because it’s put on something called Dirt that isn’t dirty enough. Seriously.

In case you weren’t able to read between the lines here, Antin has an ego bigger than his forehead, and that’s saying something. And while it normally isn’t that interesting to watch a raving egomaniac flaunt his ginormous self-involvement in front of the camera, two things save this season from being unwatchable.

First, Antin has allowed the cameras to follow him in his regular “therapy” sessions. I’m not a fan of using quotation marks to describe something that actually is what you’re describing, but I feel justified in this instance because the therapist in this instance says nothing, and Antin just uses it as an excuse to cry over the fact that nobody gets him, or they don’t get why everything is so important to him because he’s worked so hard to be where he is, or why people just don’t realize he’s out to make everyone as fantastic as he is. I honestly can’t decide if it’s more pathetic that he has these sessions and calls them therapy, or that he found a therapist willing to let it be recorded. Probably both. This is what makes the series get a barely passing C grade for most episodes.

But what really makes the show watchable are the episodes where Antin has to meet with his imaging consultant for the haircare products. I didn’t think it was possible, but this guy has an ego even more annoying bigger than Antin. This causes Antin no small amount of angst, and has caused his normal hair pulling and teeth gnashing to be replaced by a more immature new form of expression: hitting stuff. Watching these two go at each other in the middle of business meetings, on the phone, in the halls, is fantastic. Because you can finally cheer for both of these guys to get on each other’s nerves. Lock these two in the Big Brother house for a month and you’ll have the best TV show ever–and possibly the first televised execution.

The first Mac/Dell product!

Well, not really. But Mrs Hose and I are expecting our first child on January 11 or 12, 2006. We’re both thrilled out of our minds, especially at being at the point where we can finally tell everyone.

And now my regular readers (both of you!) will understand what this post was all about. Sorry for being cryptic. I have a problem keeping secrets.

New page: Currently…

Over on the sidebar is a link to a new page I made, Currently… An easy way to keep track of what I’m currently reading or watching or playing or whatever. For my two, maybe three, readers…enjoy.

…But apparently they can hear you say, “Whoops!”

So apparently the Cosmos 1 solar sail didn’t go off without a hitch. The experiment’s booster rocket failed during launch and the Russian scientists say the rocket jumped up on a couch and professed its undying love for Katie Holmes exploded.

But to add a bit more mystery to this story, American scientists claim they’ve picked up weak signals from the craft. Tension, lying, millions of dollars at stake. Somebody get Burnett on the phone–we’ve got a reality show here!

Moments of idiotic insight

So I have a Motorola cell phone with Cingular service, and I’ve downloaded a few games for it since I get bored while in cabs or sitting in airports. One of the games I’ve been playing is Hard Rock Casino, which has blackjack, slots and video poker, so there’s a nice variety there.

After losing at blackjack and slots so often I was getting annoyed, I spent some time on video poker and eventually learned the tricks of the trade. Or at least figured out some of the moves that, if played consistently, result in steady gains. End result is that you start with $5,000 and I’m currently up to $260,000 just through video poker.

Anyway, all this time I’ve been playing I’ve noticed that sometimes when I get a winning hand I’ll get more money than I’m supposed to, at least according to the payout schedule. I always thought it was a bug, but wondered why it happened.

Then yesterday it dawned on me. The name of the poker game is “Lonely Hearts.” Then I realized that every time my winning hand (like a pair of jacks on the screen) included a hearts card among the winning cards, I got a bonus. Suddenly it all made sense.

I scoured the instructions (both screens) and there’s no mention of this bonus anywhere. So I feel a little less like an idiot. But still, when the answer was staring me right in the face, it’s hard to feel brilliant about figuring out an annoying little problem. Kinda like the first time I played Petals Around The Rose.

RTFM Update: So while the two page payout screens within the poker game had nothing about the bonus, turns out there are some higher level help screens from the main menu that do discuss the bonus. Doh!

Because in space, no one can hear you scream, “TACKING!”

As reported by Engadget (well, actually, a bunch of others first, but I like Engadget the best) the first solar sail was launched from a submarine yesterday. Sure, sailing enthusiasts can now brag about heading to the stars–but it took a submarine to get you there. So take that, you space-travelling sailors!

Incidentally, you can in fact tack with a solar sail. At least according to this guy.

Hell’s Kitchen

Grade: B

It’s been a slow summer on television. There’s a rush of crappy reality TV shows, which is only slightly better than a few years ago when all the networks would rush to show you all of last season’s repeats. I know the country is going ga-ga over swan mating rituals ballroom dancing, but my current summer favorite (besides House repeats) has to be Hell’s Kitchen.

Yes, it’s a bad reality show. But the star, Gordon Ramsey, is fun to watch. And he’s not coming down on contestants to give them constructive, if harsh, criticism like Simon Cowell does in American Idol. He’s not coming down on them to try and inspire them to be the best contestant they can be, like Donald Trump does in The Apprentice. Nope, he just yells at people when they’re acting like morons. Which is all the time.

And then he throws food on them.

Maybe it appeals to my inner monkey, that wants to fling food on idiots all the time. Only this food would be…um…processed.

I don’t know if Hell’s Kitchen could compete during the regular season, but for the summer it’s a blast. For it to win in the regular season they’d have to step it up a bit. Hell’s Monkey Kitchen, perhaps?

Batman Begins

Grade: A

Sorry, Mr. Burton: this is the best Batman movie.

I went in hoping for the best and was actually surprised when it happened. The movie is dark, edgy, with a smattering of humor that doesn’t kick the movie into silliness. A fantastic mix that truly recreates the modern Batman stories. Burton’s movies did a good job of recreating the 80’s Batman, the high-tech, glossy version that dealt with more action and less inner demon. But this is the post-Dark Knight Returns Batman, the hardcore guy who’s eating himself alive trying to fight evil.

Burton’s line of Batman movies (and by that I’m talking about those first two flicks–let’s just pretend the last two didn’t happen, mmm kay?) had their own energy and feel to them, certainly more comic-like. But the one thing I always missed in those movies was that they just assumed Batman was scary. Which didn’t make a lot of sense because the first movie supposeduly had Batman’s introduction to the underworld, and he looked kinda silly just standing there in a costume. Criminals would laugh, not cry.

This movie takes that introduction a lot more seriously. Batman swoops in from the shadows, making criminals disappear in an instant and leaving only the faintest whisper that something happened. By the time criminals see him, the fear is already there. And then by the time he talks, that throaty growl/scream–now that’s friggin’ scary! When Batman interrogates criminals, screaming at them on the rooftops while rain falls around his face–scary stuff.

I only assign two minor faults to this movie, keeping it from an A+. First, I thought Scarecrow was horribly underutilized. He was almost thrown in as an afterthought and the movie wouldn’t have been any worse without him. Plus, I didn’t like how he became the main bad guy before Batman can really take down the crime boss that launched him on his quest. Maybe that’s truer to the comic stories, or closer to real life, but this is Batman we’re talking about.

SPOILER ALERT: DON’T READ THE FOLLOWING PARAGRAPH UNTIL YOU SEE THE MOVIE!!

The other minor quibble is Katie Holmes. First, her part is miniscule, but even with a few lines she seems out of place. But more than that, I don’t understand why he reveals his secret identity to her. This seems to be the norm in superhero movies these days–just tell everyone you get kinda close to about your secret identity. Lame. Revelation has its time and place, and it shouldn’t be to impress some girl.

Still, this is a fantastic take on the Batman stories, and I hope the same feel continues to the inevitable sequel. Just don’t put nipples back on the Batsuit.