DRM idea

So Engadget had a post on a proposed DRM idea. DRM, if you didn’t know, stands for Digital Rights Management. It’s the software that prevents you from copying media like music or movies, among other things. The posting also asked for people to post their own solutions, so I did. You can check it out here. It’s slightly tongue in cheek (do I do anything that isn’t), but also a true proposal since DRM is essentially a waste. You’d have to get too many players involved, from content to software to hardware in a variety of industries, to ever get a truly effective DRM model.

I actually think this is a non-issue, since I haven’t seen any legitimate uses that DRM have prevented, nor have I seen any DRM that works (even theoretically).

Back from the dead!

Naturally, I spoke too soon. They’re back.

I’m less than pleased.

Why is it we have the technology to drop a bomb from 50,000 feet and have it fly right up a targetted person’s ass, but we can’t get rid of carpenter ants? Terminix or Raid or somebody needs a bloated defense contract right about now.

Mumble grumble.

Dead Ants?

Dare to dream? Are the ants truly dead? Haven’t seen one for a couple of days after the second visit from the exterminator last weekend.

Could it be? Or are they just lying in wait, building their forces in preparation for a final assault.

Only time and several cans of Raid will tell.

Minding the Store

Grade: D

The fakest reality series yet.

I caught a couple episodes of this last night and could not understand how they thought this was a reality show. Every situation, every reaction, every element seems contrived by stupid producers looking for something entertaining. Pauly’s meeting with his agents to pursue dramatic film roles results in his creating a tape of him doing some lines from The Black Godfather? It’s either entirely fake or he’s the stupidest person on the face of the planet. Either way, not very entertaining.

The only reason it doesn’t get an F is because it doesn’t go out of its way to hurt somebody, which is something in this reality tv day and age.

Welcome to the Neighborhood

Grade: F

SPOILER WARNING – I hesitate to call it a spoiler warning since I can’t imagine the series will air, what with showing the entire series to people without any kind of non-disclosure agreement. But I will reveal who wins later in this review, so if you cling to the desparate hope that this horrid show will ever air and you want to be surprised, you should stop reading. Truth be told, there are a lot of things you should do if that’s your mindset, but stop reading this review first.

Given all the uproar over this cancelled series, a screening was arranged for residents of Circle C (the community where the series was shot). Mrs Hose and I attended this past weekend and after seeing all six episodes we were both of the same mindset: thankful this show will never be aired.

To recap the series: three couples are picked to judge which of 7 families will win a new home on a cul de sac in Circle C. The 7 families all have some twist to them, either they’re a different ethnicity than the white judges (the Lee family [Korean], the Gonzalez family [Hispanic], the African-American family [Crenshaw]) or a different sexual orientation than the hetero judges (the Wright family [two gay men with an adopted child]), or a different religion than the Christian judges (the Ehrlich (?) family [Wiccan]), or they look different (the Sheets family [tattooed, but Conservatives]), or they have a dark secret (the Morgan family [mom's a stripper]). Every week the three judge couples kick someone off, saying they don’t get the house or the welcome to the neighborhood, the “family” as the self-appointed leader of the judges says.

First, while the show does a fairly good job of depicting just the families on one particular cul de sac, there are various comments and things that are aired that make it appear as if the depiction of the families on the show are accurate for the entire neighborhood. I would hope anyone watching would limit their opinions to just those three families that are judges, but I’m concerned that the negative view would spread. Because the people depicted on the show are not an accurate reflection of Circle C. Of the three judge couples, one seems fairly open to people with differences, one starts off very opinionated and claims to change their ways through the series, and one harbors particular feelings about the gay couple that they cannot overcome. I have not found this to be an accurate breakdown of my neighbors in Circle C, but any small sample like this is going to be a bad representation. Heck, if they’d had 3 families that were open to everyone that would be a bad representation because there are bigots living here. I just hope that people realize the bigots are the minority.

But my biggest complaint about this show is how cruel it is. The show wavers on what the big prize is–it’s either the 3,300 square foot house on this cul de sac, or it’s the neighborhood that will embrace the winning family with open arms. Either way, it leaves a sinking feeling in my stomach to make these families jump through hoops to win. If it’s the house, there is such a positive connection in our society between homes and family and success and the American Dream that I was sickened every time somebody was kicked off the show. Do you see tears running down the face of people kicked off Survivor? Do you see people doubled over in agony when they’re elminated from The Amazing Race? No. But that’s what you get when people are booted from Welcome to the Neighborhood.

And if the show isn’t really about the house, but about the neighborhood, then it’s essentially a competition to win friends. Please accept me, the contestants cry, and the judges turn their backs to each family one by one. Sure, they spout promises of how they’re all friends, but then they tell their newfound friends where they stand in the pecking order. Ouch and double ouch. It’s just mean to see. And if the judges only realized halfway through how difficult it would be then they just weren’t thinking before.

The lowest point of the series is the one set of judges who focus on the gay couple and refuse to overcome “the gay issue” because of their religious beliefs. They go so far as to say they will make sure their children don’t have any exposure to the gay couple because they don’t want to have to explain what being gay means to a young child. Yes, I suppose it is difficult to teach bigotry at such a young age, when children will look you in the eye with confusion because they don’t understand why we think that these people are going against God because they love someone. The lowest of the low points is when the wife of this family starts crying one day because she was being referred to as a bigot. “When you use a word like bigot,” she gasps between sobs, “That hurts my feelings too.” Wow. It takes a special zone of ignorance to start crying over being called a bigot without ever once looking at the impact her views and actions have on the people who are the subject of her bigotry.

There is one bright, shining point in this series that is the only redeeming value of all six episodes. That point is the children of one of the sets of judges (the tolerant, if a bit insensitive, family). These kids are upset by the bigotry they see around them. They’re also the first to point out the cruelty of the show. Every week the parents ask the kids for input, and the second week when one of the judges flatly delivers the line, “Just remember, we’re crushing someone’s dreams tonight,” one of these kids rightly declares, “Yeah, we are, and you don’t have to be so flippant about it!” (I may be paraphrasing, but might not) These kids see the cruelty that the parents try to justify away (“Well, they didn’t have the house when they came here, so I’m not taking anything away from them,” one judge repeatedly justifies to herself). These kids are amazing, and their willingness to stand up for what they believe in, what they have been taught is right, is inspiring. Their parents clearly did something right in raising them, and thankfully they did because these kids end up changing some minds so that the gay couple wins in the end.

But a happy ending does not make a good series. That they stumbled into some resolution that doesn’t make them out to be complete bigots doesn’t change the cruelty at the heart of the series.

So You Think You Can Dance?

Grade: C

Finally, the American Idol spin-off that nobody can relate to!

This show tries to take the elements of American Idol that people liked–cruel judges, delusional contestants, talented individuals–and apply it to dance instead of music. The problem is that, unlike songs that people know and can relate to, most people can’t relate to specific dances. Sure, people dance, but it’s not like you can really compare someone’s dancing on the stage to a professional’s work.

Sure, some of the disasters are obvious. Like the guy who starts spinning his hands like he’s a California Raisin. Or the girl who just stands on the stage and spins like Wonder Woman on meth. But with American Idol, most of the songs contestants sing are ones you’ve heard before. So you have a frame of reference and can tell if someone is good or not. With dance, that’s not the case, leading to some auditions where a very white girl dresses in bone earrings and necklace and dances to drum-filled music and just when you think the judges are about the pan her they applaud. Wait–this was good?

Besides there being a lack of reference for most viewers, there’s also a lack of judging. Nigel Lythgoe, producer of Idol, is the main judge. Actually, he’s really the only judge. Yes, two others appeared at the beginning, but they disappeared later on. And even when they were there Nigel said a few times “I’m putting you through.”

There’s also a lot of strangeness in terms of picking people to move on. Nigel keeps saying he’s casting a show, and that’s why dancers who aren’t the best may move on while really good dancers may not. Huh? Isn’t that the opposite of American Idol, which pounds on the talent requirement even though image may factor in? I mean, Ruben won and Frenchie would have won if she’d been allowed to stay in. And they had serious image problems, but tons a lot of raw talent. This is just bizarre.

Still, in an otherwise lackluster summer on TV, this does provide some fun Idol-like moments. But I doubt many people will care who wins.

Also, watching this show will give you a newfound respect for Ryan Seacrest. The hostess of SYTYCD is vapid and stone-like, and as Mrs. Hose pointed out, “I don’t think anything on her is real.”

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

Grade: A+

The best yet, and the best seems yet to come.

SPOILER ALERT - Talking about this book without talking about the plot is just too tiring. So if you haven’t finished the book yet, stop reading suckafool!

Finally finished this last night before too much got spoiled by stray CNN stories, emails from friends, comments from my wife, etc. Overall, I think Rowlings got back on track with this book and made it the best of the series. Its highlights (tight story, not incredibly long, fast paced) show the flaws that were in the bloated, overdone Order of the Phoenix (which was still good, don’t get me wrong, but didn’t live up to expectations). This one had action, good backstory, interesting character developments and the rest.

Some plot holes bothered me this time. Like house elves Apparating around Hogwarts when it’s been covered over and over and over that you can’t do that. But it’s a minor quibble. I love that she brought the war to Hogwarts, and that Harry won’t be coming back to school. It was time–fighting a war while going to school is just silly. One has to take precedence–either school is important because there isn’t a war on or the war is important and, well, school can wait. Not a global idea, mind you, but in Harry Potter’s world it works.

Dumbledore dying was sad, but not terribly unexpected. And it’s a nice preparation for the end of Book 7, in which Harry will die. Maybe not die in his world, but in ours if we don’t have any more Potter books, same thing. Of course, I don’t think he will die, and I’m hopeful Rowlings will write another series in a decade or so. Heck, if it works for Lucas…

The other part I didn’t like was Harry’s break-up with Ginny. First, it seemed highly derivative of Spider-Man. Second, it doesn’t make sense. Ginny is a good flier, an able member of the DA, and can pull of some nasty hexes. The line from The American President comes to mind, “Don’t you think you might be setting your standards a bit high?” I know, there’s the whole “I love you so I can’t be near you” line of crap, but that doesn’t make sense either. This is a war–shouldn’t he want a whole army around him? Plus, how many times did Dumbledore tell Harry that Potter’s key strength over Voldemort was his ability to love?

This is obviously just a ploy to set up all the angst for Book 7 of Harry fighting a war while he’s apart from Ginny. And it will go along with the memory in Book 6 where Dumbledore told Voldemort that love is more powerful than what Voldemort was doing. So Voldemort will initially win the magical battle, but Harry’s love will make him prevail.

I also wonder if the final Horcrux is Harry’s scar. Guess we’ll have to wait a few years to find out.

I mentioned the stuff I didn’t like here, but notice the grade and that I think this is the best one of the series. This is a great book, and I only quibble because I care. Go forth, young Harry. You have served me four beautiful risottos.

Reason #4,592 to be paranoid at the ATM

As if elaborate scam boxes that steal your card, muggers, and random mechanical failure weren’t enough reasons to make you scared at the ATM, Japan decided to up the ante by making some ATMs double as video slot machines, according to Engadget. So now if you’re a bit tired, a bit sloppy, a bit drunk more tired, you hit the wrong button and instead of withdrawing funds, you just gambled and lost buddy!

Course, it will be funny to see some totally wasted really, really tired wino insomniac yelling out, “I’m winning! I’m winning!” while he drains his savings out of the bank.

Hell’s Kitchen: Feel the burn

SPOILER ALERT – But, come on, if you’re reading this you probably watch the show anyway

So Elsie got tossed off Hell’s Kitchen last night, which I think was a very bad move for three reasons.

1. Ramsey started off the series by saying he had a tried and true way of making anyone into a master chef. But at the end of the day the three finalists consist of two professional chefs and one talentless headhunter. If the headhunter makes the final two, then she’s the sacrificial lamb of the last episode–because if she wins there’s no way anyone will eat at her restaurant. So, really, Ramsey’s tried and true method can make any professional chef into a master chef. In which case they really should have had better contestants.

2. Elsie had more personality than the rest of the cast combined. She really turned out to be the heart of the series, and without her the final episodes will seem pretty empty. The previous episodes haven’t made us care about any of the final three–quite the opposite in that we pretty much despise all three of them. That was a bad editing decision on HK’s producer’s part. They really should have made a better hero or villain that makes it to the final episode. Guess they haven’t watched enough Survivor or Amazing Race to know how to make a good reality TV competition.

3. Destroyed a bit of the show’s premise. Besides Ramsey’s whole bogus teaching method covered in #1, another premise of the show is that Ramsey runs the entire kitchen and he makes all the calls. This has been demonstrated before when he’s changed nominations or generally made it known that he has complete control. But this took a step back last night when he asked Elsie if she received enough support from her teammates. Everyone who watched knew the answer was no, but when Elsie said yes Ramsey believed her. So he was actually asking, and not just testing to see if she’d turn against the others? Doesn’t make sense, and it means Ramsey can be duped in his own kitchen. In which case, why have him make the decisions? Why not just have the other chefs vote on the winner? In The Apprentice, Trump knows behind the scenes stuff and gets information not just from the contestants, which allows him to more accurately judge the contestants by seeing what spin they put on their information, or if they just flat-out lie. Ramsey isn’t in control.

Maybe there are just too many chefs in this kitchen. The last few episodes are going to have a hard time convincing fans the series should be brought back.

But I still want four…BEAUTIFUL…RISOTTOS!!!

Spud-Trooper

I cannot wait for the day in a few years when I can buy this for myself my child. And don’t give me any of that “But what if you’re having a girl?” Doesn’t matter. She’ll have cool Star Wars toys and program in Perl by the time she’s 8.