Survivor: Cook Islands

Grade: A

It’s Survivor, therefore it’s good.

Survivor rocks. I know that historically perhaps Real World was the true launching point for reality television, but it was merely the warm-up act. Survivor is what ushered the age of reality and can really be pointed to as the death of the bad sitcom (thank goodness). Not only did it have a fun concept and something new to watch, but Mark Burnett the creator also realized something that few other reality producers grasp today: it’s all about the story.

Burnett knows that just because you’re showing reality doesn’t mean you have to portray it realistically. In fact, he has a whole staff of writers who simply work with the footage they have to craft storylines and arcs rather than inventing them from scratch. Most other reality shows just cut to exciting or tantalizing footage without trying to set up any kind of story (case in point: any season of The Surreal Life). But setting up a story is what makes it interesting, what makes it compelling. Amazing Race knows how to do this. So too did Breaking Bonaduce.

But nobody does it better than Burnett. And it’s quite obvious. After watching every Survivor episode since season 1, episode 2 (I missed the very first one, oh well), I now know how Burnett and his team work. Watching last night’s finale, as with most other episodes, I can tell you which team is going to lose and who is going to be voted out just by watching the footage. Because Burnett wants you to either a) understand the conflict between some of the tribemates so you can get behind the vote out, or b) be surprised that a twist in allegiance voted out someone you thought was safe. His team uses different shots and story points to set these up, but they are consistent from season to season and still a lot of fun to watch.

As for this latest season, the big change is the ethnic tribes. Yawn. Last year divided by gender and age for a few days. Didn’t matter. Never does. May be amusing for the first few days, but the most uninteresting seasons have been the ones where an initial tribe gathered an alliance that held to the end. Season 1 only worked because it was the first–if that had come in later years first it wouldn’t have worked because people other than Richard Hatch would have known the strategy and second it would have been boring as hell. These days the alliances all flip-flop, and Burnett designs in twists and turns and competitions and rewards specifically geared towards making that happen. That’s what makes conflict, which creates drama, which results in good TV (if crafted properly).

Bringing back Exile Island was a great move–that was a fantastic invention last season. Same with the hidden immunity idol, which played a big part in last year’s final group even though it was never used. It will be fun to see if it is ever given away or if that just becomes a shadow promise like when they first started making immunity transferrable.

But a great start to the latest season. Yay for Fall!

The Upcoming Season

Friend of mine asked for TV recommendations for this season, and since I’m trying to get back into the whole blogging habit, thought I’d write up my TV thoughts for this upcoming year.

Ones To Watch (or at least give them a shot)

House–best show on TV, although I still haven’t seen last night’s premiere (hey, it’s fantasty football draft season, okay?).

Studio 60–the hour-long drama behind the scenes on an SNL-type show. Aaron Sorkin (Sports Night, West Wing, Few Good Men) is one of the best writers out there for witty banter. But he can’t do relationships, only the pursuit of relationships–but every time he writes the pursuit of a relationship he tries to make it into a relationship. So there are some flaws. Also, Mrs Hose and I saw the first episode of this (she’s a huge Sorkin fan and has openly told me she will leave me for Aaron Sorkin just as soon as he, you know, meets her)–it made me want to watch the second episode but I don’t know if it will work. Anyone who saw Sports Night or West Wing knows the Sorkin style. It works in some contexts like politics because everyone seems very intelligent and witty and deep down we want our leaders to be intelligent but approachable (witty). I’m not sure if that works for TV stars–do we really think behind it all they’re intelligent or likable? We shall see, I’m willing to give it a shot for at least one more episode. And no matter what, the end of the first episode will give you goosebumps. Sorkin is that good a writer.

30 Rock–the half-hour sitcom behind the scenes on an SNL-type show. Cast is great, commercials are funny (although no clips from the show that I’ve seen). But usually when two shows of different formats on the same network take on the same concept, one will fail. (When I commented on this to Mrs Hose said, “Oh, you mean like ER and Scrubs?” I really hate it when she goes and uses logic and stuff on me.) I’ll watch.

Heroes–there’s no hiding on this blog that I’m a geek, a nerd, a comic fan, a gamer, everything that the chubby kid with glasses who kicked your butt on the math tests grew up to become. So I will watch Heroes, I will like Heroes, and I will feel guilty about myself for liking Heroes. Deal with it, you algebra-failing dweeb.

Desperate Housewives–which series will show up, the witty first season, or the over-complicated second season? And does it even matter since nothing good is usually up against it?

Gray’s Anatomy–Outstanding writing on what could have been on otherwise run of the mill show has led to some of the best moments on TV in the past few years. The move to Thursday night shows confidence in the series. Another one to watch.

Survivor–Always fun, this year adds the race controversy with four racially divided teams. Burnett, you wacky funster!

Ones To Avoid (or at least not complain to mean when you watch them and they suck or find another hatch or something)

Lost–you already know how I feel.

The Nine–fox drama about a bank robbery or something. Whatever. The name is overly optimistic. I predict it won’t last The Four episodes in October.

Kidnapped–Ransom: The Series. Blah. If it works, I’ll watch on DVD.

Friday Night Lights–See Kidnapped.

Twenty Good Years–None of them depicted here on television.

’til Death–I didn’t like Everybody Loves Raymond. Why would I like Everybody Loves Raymond’s Goofy Tall Brother?

Everything else on ABC–if they have anything else, that is.

Everything else on CBS–unless you’re retired.

Everything else on Fox–unless you have an IQ below 60.

Master of Champions

Grade: D

If it weren’t for America’s Got Talent, this would be the worst show of the summer.

If America’s Got Talent wasn’t enough of a disappointment, here we have another show trying to collect a wide variety of abilities under the guise of talent and cram them into some television. Here, it fails again. At least some of the activities are mildly interesting, but this show fails for completely different reasons.

Biggest complaint: there’s not enough action. During the inaugural hour they did maybe 4 activities. More than half of their time was spent with filler pieces about the backgrounds of the competitors. Who cares? If you want to show me two people who race around a wheel of cheese with graters attached to their car to see who can shred the most cheddar, fine–but I don’t give one iota about the racer’s personal lives, their favorite colors, or how they really want to make car-cheese-grating into an Olympic sport or whatever. Just show me a car spinning around a big wheel of cheese, then cut to the next insane activity.

Next biggest complaint: the judges. I guess the three most talented people were picked up by America’s Got Talent, which left this show with Steve Garvey (whatever, he played baseball), Oksana “I Don’t Get Drunk and Drive Anymore But You Still Can’t Understand A Word I’m Saying Because Of My Thick, Raspy, Yet Decidedly Un-Sexy Russian Accent” Baiul, and Jonny “I’m The Biggest Tool On The Planet” Moseley. I have no idea why they’re on this show. But they do pick a winner from the various competitions or exhibitions. So when the winner of the cheese grating race went up against the winner from the extreme unicycling competition (which was, surprisingly, even more stupid than it sounds), they both lost to the contortionist who shot an arrow from a bow that popped a balloon while blindfolder–using her feet. Seems a bit unfair since she didn’t have to compete first. Couldn’t they have found a bear with a bladder infection that hadn’t eaten in a week and then put a raw steak in the balloon and hold it between Anna Nicole Smith’s knees? Come on, ABC, get with the program!

So besides the lame concept with not enough action, the horrible judges, and the stupid activities, what are you left with? About 25 minutes of commercials.

At least we have The Closer.

America’s Got Talent

Grade: F

Apparently, America’s Got Talent. We just don’t know where to find it.

Poor Simon Cowell. He has a hit television show and millions of dollars, but apparently that isn’t enough for him. So he’s driven to keep applying the American Idol formula to different genres. He tried romance (Cupid), innovation (American Inventor) and now a general talent show in America’s Got Talent. While the formula bombed horribly in Cupid, worked slightly in American Inventor, it fails completely here.

The show is a cross between American Idol and the Gong Show. An audience filled with allegedly talented people are called up in groups to perform for the judges. If the judges hate the performance they can ring a buzzer which lights up a giant X. If all three X’s light up, the audition stops.

But no matter what, the judges vote to see if the person continues or not. So the buzzer really doesn’t mean anything except the act stops. But then it sometimes starts back up. And sometimes a horrible act is allowed to continue. Oh, and did I mention there’s no theme–that you have jugglers competing against ventriloquists competing against dancers competing against singers?

It goes without saying that the judges are horrible as well. The requisite bitter Brit seat is filled by an English reporter. Apparently, interviewing the royal family qualifies him to find talent. Because, you know, the English monarchy was determined by talent and abilities, not who your parents were. Oh, wait…

Filling in for the shiny, happy, must-be-on-something Paula Abdul is Moesha. Or Brandy. Whatever. She loves everybody, everybody is talented, she’s a fan of everyone. She’s also as fake as a three-dollar bill.

Rounding out the crew is David Hasselhoff. An American so talented that he has 6 platinum CDs. In Germany. Yes, these 3 will surely find talented people in America.

Unfortunately, the lack of theme is second to the lack of standards. Case in point a 9-year old stand-up comic is sent to the next round and the judges love her, but she isn’t funny. A man who honks horns strapped to his chest is also sent on. I could go on, but what’s the point.

The concept doesn’t make sense. The competition doesn’t make sense. Simon already has enough money. Please let this show die quickly. Or at least make it go head-to-head with ABC’s Master of Champions (premiering tonight) which looks promising.

Hell’s Kitchen: Season 2

Grade: A

He wants four…more…BEAUTIFUL RISOTTOS!!

Gordon Ramsey is back with season 2 of Hell’s Kitchen. And although my favorite catchphrase from season 1 has yet to surface, the show is off to a successful start. The first two episodes were helped by some hospital visits–one for a faker who couldn’t cut it and one from an early frontrunner that may now not go as far as they should. But we have the exact same elements as before.

Pitting men against women this year was a lame change. Maybe it will turn into more conflict later, but they work the candidates hard enough and deprive them of enough sleep that the team mechanics really didn’t need changing. But so be it.

So far, top candidate for this season’s catchphrase is “Move your ass, you donkey!” Poetic, to the point, but loses points for not including a creamy, delicious rice dish.

Alias Series Finale

** POTENTIAL SERIES ENDING SPOILERS CONTAINED INSIDE. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. **

Grade: C

A finale I really wanted to like ended up having way too many plot holes. Lost fans now have no excuse.

The first two seasons of Alias still stand as some of the most brilliant, innovative television ever done (hence the link to season 2, which rocked). Unfortunately, you had to watch it from the beginning to really get into the intricate stories and characters. So when the network realized it had a hit on its hands, it instructed the show to dumb it down–make it easier to catch up for new viewers, make the episodes stand by themselves a bit more. So you had the first wipe, when the super-secret SD-6 was wiped out leaving just the core characters. But that wasn’t interesting, so a new super-SUPER-secret organization was revealed, which wasn’t as cool as SD-6 but plugged along until it too was demolished in a fit of appeasing the lowest common denominator watching ABC. Then their star got pregnant, and in a fit of desperation to keep the hard-core fans wanting more, they created a super-SUPER-SUPERDUPER-secret organization that, in reality, was the first super-secret organization but, you know, with a really bold descriptor before secret. And they killed the male lead because the star broke up with him and had a daughter with Ben Affleck. And they introduced a host of new characters that nobody cared about to take away from the fact that the star could no longer run or jump or do anything spy-ish because she was pregnant.

In other words, Alias sucked.

So it was no surprise that they decided to end the show. So I watched, wondering how they’d end the series, especially given the creator’s current endeavour Lost. Alias had some mysteries that needed wrapping up too, so this might be an interesting omen.

While the last few episodes leading up to the finale were interesting, the finale ultimately failed to deliver. Giant plot holes attempting to cover up for earlier changes were glaring and unbelievable. They brought Vaughn back from the dead (see, he never died, we tricked you) without acknowledging all those scenes where Sydney was, you know, devastated by his death. If she knew he was dead all along, sure she’d be sad that he had to go into hiding, but certainly not to the extent they showed her. I mean, she’s a spy. Suck it up if he’s alive. No, he was dead and they took too much stuff from fans to not cave in and bring him back. Huge plot hole. Another big plot hole: in an attempt to wipe out the super-SUPER-SUPERDUPER-secret organization they send all their agents to, get this, take pictures of the 12 leaders. Then, having the pictures firmly posted to a wall, they now pronounce they know who they are dealing with and they can take them all out. Um, last I checked, if you could take a picture of someone, you could, you know, shoot them. And if they didn’t know who the people were to shoot, how did they know to take pictures of them? And why the heck was Marshall, a computer guy, sent to take a picture when they had another field agent (Rachel) who did nothing? Note to any actual spy agencies out there–if you know about a 12-member group trying to destroy the world: take the gun, leave the Polaroid.

There were other plot holes, mostly smaller, then you get the whammy near the end. Jack and Syndey are in Mongolia and Jack’s taken three bullets to the chest. The medical chopper is coming in, but it’s 30 minutes away. Jack bravely tells Sydney to go, since she has to make it to Hong Kong to stop her mother and save the world. So he has Vaughn go get the truck.

Um, what? Hong Kong is not, I repeat, not within driving distance of Mongolia. If he was sacrificing himself, how about having her wait for the helicopter and taking that to, you know, an airport? But no, the script called for him to stay behind and blow himself up so that the really bad guy who comes back from the dead could be pinned under a massive stone column. (Incidentally, how is that bad? Since he keeps getting healed, couldn’t he eventually chip away at the column with his fingernails and get out? Might take a while, but he’s got eternal life.)

Oh, and the final fight over the ultimate Rimbaldi artifact (a glass globe, because all the hip 15th century prophets love them some glass globes) takes place and, here’s the kicker, we never find out what it does. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, five years of mystery and you get no answers. How’s Lost looking now, people?

Given what the creative team had to work with, namely the last 2 seasons, they did the best they could to wrap up the series with a little bit of dignity. But too many plot holes from trying to cover too much ground made the end result a mixed bag. Could it have been worse? Sure. But it could have been so much better.

Will & Grace Finale

Grade: F

Puts the ‘F’ back in Finale.

Wow. Just wow. I watched Will & Grace when it first came on. I thought it was okay, but it got better over time. It actually had a few fun episodes. Then at some point it became tired, old, stale. They kept repeating the same jokes. They flooded shows with guest stars–ones that either couldn’t act or acted better than half the cast. So even though the TiVo kept recording the show, we started deleting them a long time ago.

No surprise the show was ending, but with all the hoopla about the series finale we sat down to watch it this past weekend. I cannot recall a single series finale that was that bad. No, not bad. Horrible. Painful. Shockingly awkward, obvious, and…here’s the clincher…not funny.

This is truly a low point. I’m a sucker for good-byes. I may not have liked a character on a show and if they kill him/her off, I feel bad. Long-running shows ending usually get me. The finale of Cheers…fuhgedaboutit. Thought of those few final seconds still brings chills.

So what in creation were the creative teams thinking when they made this finale? It was boring, jumping all over time to show that the relationship everyone watched for a few years ultimately didn’t matter. Only to have the characters jump ahead 20 years (and then, for some strange reason, back) to say that they didn’t change. Um, what? You either did change or you didn’t, make up your dang minds.

Then, to put to rest any idea that this show made sense, they have the two most colorful characters first admit they’re supporting characters (oh wow, that’s so funny because it’s breaking the 4th wall and aren’t they SOOO innovative) and then, for absolutely no reason of plot or sanity, they decide to sing a song. Don’t get me wrong, Megan Mullally has a great voice, but this reeked of “I never got to sing in this show and I WANNNNAAAA sing!!” Please.

Compare this to the great finales. Cheers: Sam telling the anonymous patron the bar is closed. Cosby Show: the two leads literally dancing off of the set into the audience. Friends: everyone leaving their key to that famous apartment. Heck, even the Dawson’s Creek finale made better use of flashbacks/forwards than this did.

The only good thing about the Will & Grace finale is that it’s off the air. Shark Jumping: 1, Will & Grace: 0.

Black. White.

Grade: A

Fascinating look at race in America, but not for the reasons the show thinks.

It’s not a new idea–Eddie Murphy parodied it several decades ago on Saturday Night Live. Take a black family of dad, mom, and teenage son and make them up to look white so they can see what life is like outside of their racial experience. Add to that a white family of dad, mom, and teenage daughter who are made up to appear black so they can see what life is like for black people. Then have them start living together in a crappy model home so they can educate each other about their experiences.

It’s an interesting idea, but one that’s been done to death. And the fact that this show often takes the cheap way out of dealing with issues doesn’t help it–chief among these points is the fact that the families only periodically put their make-up on to participate in structured events. The white family puts on make-up to go to a black church. The black family puts on make-up to go to the mall. And so on.

But what makes this show interesting is not the supposed universal lessons it tries to teach by applying this case to all of race in America, but in seeing how these particular families operate. In this case they couldn’t have recruited more polar opposites. The black family has calm, rational adults and a punk kid. The white family has totally insane parents and a completely down to Earth daughter. The result is laced with conflict as the insane white mother starts rattling her soul-poetry that’s filled with under-the-surface racism or the black teenager refuses to learn anything from the experience.

Yes, the sane people are learning important life lessons. The black parents see some of the racist actions they’ve experienced all their lives from a different perspective. The white teenager sees her black peers growing up with pervasive racism and how it impacts their lives. But the insane people truly show some of the problems with racism in America. The black teenager who refuses to acknowledge his situation, let alone try to change it. The white parents who go out to prove that they could be better black people than most of the black people out there.

At the end of the day these experiments can only lead to small truths since this is just make-up. But what it reveals about the crazy people, and perhaps a lot of the crazy people out there when it comes to these issues, is worth the price of admission.

American Inventor

Grade: A

The other AI is pretty dang close to the original–and it’s a blast.

I was one of a handful of people who watched Cupid, Simon Cowell’s last attempt to produce a show loosely based on the American Idol format. There we had America voting off possible fiances for a woman who really should have questioned why she was letting America pick anything for her in the first place. Take a look at the last couple of presidential elections–these are the two best guys America could find for a job we like to think we know a lot about. You really trust the same people to pick your husband?

So it was with more than a few tons of uncertainty that I started to watch American Inventor. I had read about it earlier and its legal troubles since there was another show with the same idea, same name, etc. I guess that was resolved, because Simon’s show aired and it shares more than just half a title and all of the initials of that other show that made Simon a household name.

Potential inventors parade their creations in front of a panel of judges who either heap lavish praise upon the assinine (“Sure, it’s a product I’ll never use, but what I really love is that you made the invention your own!”) or heap backhanded compliments (read: insults) on the most unsuspecting, innocent participants. Like the 9-year old who came up with a good idea, if not great (portable air conditioning unit that would keep dogs cool in the car), and is told “I’m telling you what I’d want to be told at your age–your invention sucks, there’s no Easter bunny, and if you don’t get those ears fixed you couldn’t pay someone to sleep with you!”

This is really just a continuation of American Idol–I’m surprised it actually isn’t combined with the original so we can finally vote on whether Clay Aiken’s Totally-Straight-Man-Glitter-Jeans-And-Makeup-Bag should be sold to the public. But ABC snapped it up, probably hoping for some tie-ins with their other series so when the smelly crash survivors on Lost find another hatch in some remote beach–POP–out comes a guy with a rubber bag they can urinate in without having to, you know, find a bathroom.

What takes this show to the next level are the tears. Yes, all good reality television needs people crying. Here we have inventors crying because they’ve invested so much of their life and their money, like selling their house so they could invent a shovel with an empty handle. So now they cry because they have a crappy invention, but they’re on TV. So all is right with the world. Sure, some will be given $25,000 to take the invention to the next level, and then I guess America will decide which invention gets to sing a duet with Kelly Clarkson or something. I don’t care–as long as they keep showing me crazy people who think I want to a lubricant dispenser with my toilet paper, I’m watching.

Grey’s Anatomy: Super Bowl episode

Grade: A+

Possibly the best hour of television drama this year.

Been a crazy week, but I wanted to review this past weekend’s post-Super Bowl episode of Grey’s Anatomy. This has been a breakout season for the sophomore drama/romantic comedy. It’s been tested a few times with repeat or absent episodes of that other ABC hit, Desperate Housewives, and its ratings have shown it to be a hit on its own. Which is why they decided to boost its appeal with a post-Super Bowl episode.

And they pulled out all the stops. It had some very tense, believable moments as Christina Ricci plays a paramedic who did something rash to save an injured man’s life and ended up putting her own life at risk (if she doesn’t get an Emmy nomination for guest star, it’s a true crime). She does an amazing job. And even though you never really believe the danger will grow to the point of threatening the permanent cast members, it’s still a great scenario and written incredibly well.

There are also some very funny, unexpected moments that have become the show’s staple. What began as a mostly chick-show ala ER meets Felicity has quickly become a force to be reckoned with. I understand they’re airing the show again tonight, so if you have the chance, check it out. Really outstanding hour of television.